Looking At Life Through Your Rear View Mirror

October 1, 2008 – 9:06 am

Jim’s Note: As I reviewed this note for publication, I was reminded of a truth that I have not written much about: Love is a verb, and verbs can be past, present or future: When we have love for the past, it is reverence, Love of the present is compassion, and love of the future is expressed through wisdom. This note from Andy Cox may help us transform our view of the past into a view of reverence: we had to go through everything that came before so that we can be who we are today.

Looking At Life Through Your Rear View Mirror

Many of us spend a significant amount of time looking through the rear view mirrors of our lives. Some people spend all their time there – some spend no time there – but most have a nice balance between looking at what’s behind and what’s ahead.

Sometimes the “mirror” can be really helpful, and sometimes it can cough up those really embarrassing, stupid, negative memories that are best forgotten, but that the mirror wants to keep front and center.

Have you ever had the experience of suddenly being confronted, in your mind, with something you did in the past that you wish you hadn’t, or that you regretted, and that “something” flashes up on your brain screen and sends a chill down your spine, or a flop to your stomach, or a tear to your eye – or a song to your heart?

Funny – very few of my rear view mirror flashes send a song to my heart. I don’t know about you, but my mirrors tend to be critical of my behavior – the coulda’, woulda’, shoulda’s that make me feel less good about myself. My rear view mirror wants to keep the negative stuff more available than the “bring a smile” stuff.

I’m talking about those little drops of negative emotional water that hit your brain, again and again, and in so doing create a groove or funnel for continued negative flashes.

What these flashes do is create habits of thought that affect our beliefs about our personal worth, ability and value. And those negative mirror flashes feed those two little worms – the “I am not worthy” one, and the “I am not able” one. And they grow. And we do it to ourselves.

The most powerful messages we receive about our ability and value are the ones we send ourselves. And we’re often not aware that we’re even doing it. That’s the thing about habits – both good and bad. They become so ingrained that we just do them. The good news is habits can be changed. Not stopped, but replaced with other habits.

If your rear view mirror keeps sending you negative messages about your past, here are suggestions on ways to change that destructive habit of thought.

  1. Be aware that it is happening. That sounds so obvious, but habits are sneaky. They get so ingrained that they seem unconscious. The first step is to challenge your thoughts. Are they helpful? Are they destructive? Do they help or hinder?
  2. Prepare a list of the top 100 things that make you smile, make you feel thankful, make you proud, make you feel worthy and able. Write them down. This can be tough – especially if your messages have been negative for a long time. But it is the key step to replacing those negative thoughts.
  3. Review them every day and add to them as you think of more positive messages.
  4. When a negative thought message comes through, catch yourself and tell yourself to stop! And then replace it with one of your 100 or more “guaranteed to make you feel good about yourself” messages you have written down.
  5. Persist. Habits take time and dedication to change. Keep reminding yourself of the value of thinking positively about yourself. And of how much better it makes you feel.
  6. Think of your rear view mirror as having two modes – one that lets in all the bright lights that can blind you, and the other mode that filters so you can see more clearly.

Let’s face it, life has and will continue to throw all kinds of challenges at us. Using your rear view mirror to prepare for the challenges to be faced is a powerful habit of thought. Take a look in yours right now, and become aware of what a positive tool it can be.

Andy Cox helps his clients select and develop teams and talent. He focuses on helping leaders and emerging leaders define and develop their skills and talents using goals. He can be reached at http://www.coxconsultgroup.com
, or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com

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Take Your Inner Child Out To Play!

September 26, 2008 – 3:43 pm

Jim’s Note: Wow! This is important stuff. In the game of life, it is too easy to get caught up in the scoreboard, and not in the game. Life is an adventure. Let me introduce you to Holly Cox:

Take Your Inner Child Out To Play!

When you were little, you probably played with joyful abandonment! Your imagination soared as you transformed yourself on a regular basis. One day you were a princess. The next day might have found you playing cops and robbers. Instead of obsessing over your next meal, you toyed with your food and couldn’t wait to finish eating so the fun could begin again. Never once did you doubt that your dreams would come true. The sky was the limit, and you were the star of your own show.

How quickly things changed! You became all too serious and self-conscious as you worried about looking foolish, being inconvenienced, embarrassing yourself, displeasing others, and being judged. Romping in the rain turned from a joyful experience to something that would make a mess, get you sick, and require you to do your hair all over again. Exercise changed from playing tag, taking dance lessons, or climbing hills to running on treadmills at the gym and keeping up in aerobics class, which you enjoy more if your body looks cute in spandex.

Whether it was making a fort out of sheets, blankets, and pieces of cardboard or changing B ar bie’s clothes to suit the occasion, your imagination knew no limits, and you entertained yourself for hours. You didn’t feel guilty for “wasting” your time.

Are you feeling a bit of nostalgia? Well, it’s about time you listen to your inner child. “Grown-up” doesn’t have to mean lifeless. How do you reconnect with that imp inside of you who wants to have fun?

Follow these tips, and you’ll be well on your way:

  1. Make a list of playful things you’d love to do – dance, take a walk, read a book, watch a cartoon, ride a horse, learn a language, draw, paint, color, cook, listen to music, flirt – play can mean different things to different people.
  2. Schedule time for fun into your calendar.
  3. Make a decision to have one new experience each week.
  4. Spend time with young children.
  5. Ditch the self-consciousness – it no longer serves you!
  6. Limit the amount of time you spend around gloom and doom – in the form of the news, television, other people, or your own thoughts.
  7. Make a wish list!
  8. Pursue your passions!
  9. Make a mess!
  10. Take time to daydream!
  11. Have a pajama party!
  12. Have fun and celebrate your life! It’s the only one you have!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Holly Cox is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a Certified Dream Coach®, and a Certified Dream Coach Group Leader®. She is committed to helping women design and maintain “dream-come-true” lives. Sign up for Holly’s “Transform Your Life” newsletter at http://www.mypersonaltransformation.com and get great tips to jumpstart your transformation.

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Peak Experiences and an Enduring Plateau of Consciousness

September 21, 2008 – 4:33 pm

Christine went to the hospital at 3AM that morning. She had been just a little worried that evening, but when her heart started to pound and race, she began to panic. What was it? She knew something was wrong, and even calling for the ambulance did not ease the terror. Hours later, the crisis had passed, and even now was fading into memory.

But somehow, everything was a little different. It was not as if Christine had cheated death, but somehow death became less important. She looked at the other people in the ward and felt a deeper connection to them. And a deeper connection to everything. The bed, the walls, the floor. Everything just became part of an interconnected whole, and she was a meaningful part of it all. She felt a glow of joy, as if all was right in the universe. And that there is an intimate connection that runs just beyond the limitations of our everyday lives. She thanked God and her Jesus for the release from her small minded world.

This is a peak experience. It can come from any number of places, but it only happens when something is able to touch your core in ways that are truly meaningful to you. And then your core shines with a glow that connects you to the farthest points in the universe. It is as if you had lived in a dark place full of strange and unknown shapes, and somehow a light goes on and you see the world as a different place: the fearsome shadow in the corner is no longer a snake, but merely a coil of rope.

A peak experience may come anytime, from any direction. For some, it may come from reading a chapter of the Bible or the Book of Tao. For others, it may be a Bhuddist Meditation. For others, a deep merging in a blissful sexual union. It may happen at the birth of your child or grandchild. It may be when you realize that your life-partner totally resides somewhere just behind those eyes that are gateways to his soul.

Sometimes, these states are so out-of-tune with our normal lives that we may suppress them, or some well meaning friend or authority makes them seem insignificant or unworthy. Any peak experience that allows a great connection of spirit is valid: no one, let alone yourself, should be allowed to take it from you.

Over at Romance Capitol you can find ways to enjoy the pursuit of those experiences, and that the soul of romance is that pursuit. Here, the view is that there are long stretches where you can fully acknowledge the worth of that deep connection. Abraham Maslow defined willfully induced extended peaks or plateau experiences as a characteristic of the self-actualized; those who have transcended the mere retreat from negative experiences It is possible, and can be had only for the doing. It is a choice, a choice to a journey of impossible goals, but as soon as you make that choice the journey becomes possible. The Buddhas do but tell the way; it is for you to swelter at the task.
Buddha

Gaining an enlightened consciousness requires the five aspects of romance: energy — the fuel to keep on going; proper communication — both with others and with yourself; aligned values — values that do not serve your pursuit are like roadblocks on your journey; Right Action — doing what you know you must; and finally vows to keep you aimed at that impossible goal.

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My Past Doesn’t Have to Be My Future

September 21, 2008 – 1:45 am

Jim’s Note: This is a gentle, angel kiss of a procedure to move you forward on the path of your life. Let me introduce Fia Crandall:

My Past Doesn’t Have to Be My Future

Copyright © 2008 Fia Crandall

I imagine you are feeling called to move your life to a bigger place. That you have a vision of what you would truly love your life to be that you have been focusing on for some time, taking action, growing and learning all you can to make it happen. Doing all you can to make it become your reality.

Deep within you, you feel a subtle knowing that life can truly be good, that there is more for you to be, do, and have in this life. That life truly is meant to be abundant and you can somehow make that abundance your reality.

I had felt that truth within me from the moment I picked up a spiritual-type book. Deep down we all know this to some extent, that life can be as amazing as you can envision it.

And maybe you are aware that the energy on the planet is changing. Becoming more supportive of living in a higher vibration. We now have the opportunity to shift lifetimes of growth within this life. We have the opportunity and are now able to create a new life within this life we’re living.

I’m sure you’ve seen it for yourself. Think back to 5 years ago… What was your every day life like back then? How did you feel about yourself? How did you feel from day to day? Feel like a different life than now?

I know that’s what it feels like to me. I truly believe, and stand for creating an incredible future that is different from the past. As you can imagine, I left behind what could have easily been a life-long career of engineering. I chose a new path. I chose a future that was different than the present at the time. I chose to fully embrace the potential I felt within and to grow from the person I was, to the person I somehow knew I could be.

If you really want to create a future that’s different than the past, I would love to share some of what has helped me do this.

A big key to doing this is letting go.

Letting go of what no longer serves you. Letting go of old, outdated self-images. Letting go of old pain and hurt you’re still holding on to. Letting go of other people’s images of how your life should be. Letting go of the fear that you’re not good enough, that you don’t have what it takes, that you will fail, or that you will succeed and be abandoned. Letting go of playing small, of shrinking down. Letting go of putting yourself last.

This letting go is a huge key. I call it “Releasing Old Consciousness”. It’s the old way. It’s the internal energy, thinking and ways of being that matched the old you. The lower energy parts of yourself that do not belong in the new, exciting, abundant, truly joyful reality you are creating for yourself.

What is it time for you to let go of?

Light Your Path Call to Action:

If you are feeling called to take a step toward creating a future that’s different from the past, take action and try this exercise.

Give yourself 10 – 15 minutes of quiet time and space to yourself. Light a candle or two, get a cozy blanket, do whatever you can to create a sacred space for yourself. Bring a journal or a piece of paper and pen.

Go within and affirm to yourself: There are things within me that aren’t in alignment with where I want to go, with the reality I want to create. I am willing to see them. I am willing to let them go in order to become who I know I can be.

Let go of any fear around this. You never need to let go of anything out of fear. If anything, you’ll want to let go of the fear around letting go.

Now write at the top of the page: I am willing to see what within me is ready to be released.

Now get quiet, allow a feeling, idea, image or knowing to come to you. Ask yourself: what old, outdated energy, way of being or past hurt is it time to let go of?

Write down what comes to you.

Now ask yourself: What new energy, way of being and feeling is ready to take it’s place?

Affirm to yourself you are ready to release the old and have it replace the new. Close your eyes, know you are creating the shift and allow it to happen. Notice what you feel, what you see. Affirm that you are ready to let this go so your future can be fresh and new.

Fia Crandall is an Intuitive Coach & Healer who helps spiritually conscious women take their life to new levels of abundance and fulfillment. Receive her FREE E-Course: “3 Steps to Creating Your Heart-Felt Desires!” by visiting: http://www.LightYourPath.ca/freegift.htm

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The Myth Of A Christian Soul Mate

September 19, 2008 – 3:17 pm

Jim’s note: This article caught my Celarien® eye! I really like it. Even though Christianity is not a single, orthodox, catholic religion, there being lots of protestation on the subject: the selected author’s idea of choice, soulmate and a divine organization behind all of that ring true with the essence of the spirituality of Celarien: That you can choose and learn and grow. Choosing to learn to grow in love with your partner is all about removing those blocks to that love: the essence of Celarien’s spiritual message. That you are not stuck, not fixed for all eternity.

Christians, and everyone of a religious or spiritual core, want most of all to have a strong and vibrant relationship with the spirit of the universe: God. Now consider this: you have a partner with that inner spirit: that soul essence that eludes scientific or mathematical description. It is like God sent you a pertner that are like trainer wheels. To learn to grow to have a strong and vibrant relationship with God, you can start with growing to love your partner as your soul mate!

The Celarien Experience® is happy to present you with this article by Jay White

Catch phrases are a part of everyday society. They become hugely popular, ride a wave of cultural phenomenon, than seem to disappear as quickly as they came.
But there’s a term that was introduced years ago and still hasn’t dropped from the vocabulary, even in Christian dating circles. Whenever there’s a conversation about relationships, it always seems to pop out of somewhere.

That term is “soul mate”.

Read romance novels. Listen to popular love songs. Watch movies on Lifetime television, and chances are “soul mate” will be uttered in some way, shape or form.

In fact, entire stories have spawned from the idea of a soul mate. Ever see “Sleepless in Seattle”? You get the picture.

But I’m here to tell you something that may not be popular, but I sincerely believe it’s the truth:

There’s no such thing as a soul mate.

Now, before you gasp and go storming away from your computer, consider the premise of “Sleepless in Seattle”.

A perfectly happy woman, engaged to a man she loves, spends most of her time lamenting the fact that she may have missed out on someone better. Of course, we’re led to believe her true “soul mate” lives 3,000 miles away and doesn’t know her from Adam. Yet, destiny and fate must have their way, and incredible circumstances bring them to the climactic scene on top of the Empire State Building, where the two strangers lock eyes and know instantly that they are to be together forever. Fade to black, roll credits…

…and hand me a barf bag!

Don’t get me wrong–I can dig a chick movie now and then. But to buy into the soul mate theory goes completely against what God wants for us in a relationship.

For example, my wife and I believe 100% that God brought us together. I am completely and totally in love with my wife.

Does that mean I could never love another? Nope. I could fall in love with someone else if I wanted. I could crush everything we’ve built and separate myself from my family.

But I CHOOSE not to.

And that’s the key. Real love is not at-first-sight, violins-and-bluebirds baloney. It’s a choice. Plain and simple.

Destiny hasn’t preordained our lives, God has. But He’s also given us free will in the matter. Just like we make the choice between serving God or serving ourselves, we also choose whether or not to love someone.

But according to popular culture and the media, you don’t have a choice. You must search for your one-and-only soul mate. Get all swept up in the romance. Don’t be concerned with the real world.

And that’s what gets a lot of people in trouble. They start believing the hype instead of believing the Truth. Before you know it, they’re throwing away a perfectly healthy relationship for a fantasy. In fact, it’s my personal belief that a large factor in the demise of traditional family values is the proliferation of such anti-Christian ideas, such as a soul mate, through the media.

If I buy into the notion of a soul mate, then I believe destiny has preordained just one person for me. Only one. Anyone else would obviously make me unhappy and unfulfilled. After all, it’s been laid out for me already. I have no choice.

Wrong!

What if I lost my wife tragically? I would hope that the Lord would bring someone for me to marry again in time, but if Ronda was my “soul mate”, then what would that make my second wife–”soul mate part 2″?

See what am I getting at here?

God has a perfect mate for you and will help you find them. But He can’t make you love them. That’s up to you.

For example, we have friends who spent their lives on the mission field. The wife will flat-out tell you that she did not love her husband when she married him. But she knew God wanted them to be together, so she grew to love him over the years and never looked back.

Now THAT’s faith!

Do yourself a favor–turn off the tube. Throw away those trashy novels. Stop listening to those sappy love songs and dig into the Word! Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” He had a plan for me and he has a plan for you. Talk with Him, listen to Him, and He’ll lead the way.

And when you do find that special someone, you’ll know that it’s not destiny that brought you together, but His good and perfect will.

So take that Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks!

Jay White is an author, copywriter, and former Christian single who knows the struggles and frustrations of Christian dating. For more information on how you can find God’s perfect mate for you, go to http://www.christianonlinedatingsecrets.com

Article source: http://www.goarticles.com/

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I Finally Got My Revenge!

September 17, 2008 – 11:19 am

Jim’s Note: Revenge is the act or thought of bringing someone down because of a real or potential harm to oneself. Revenge is not an element of Celarien®, in fact, it is all about letting go of that: for any reason. Michael A. Verdicchio has a great tale of achievement after many years, and is a model for us to look up to. Even so, I wonder if Earl, of Television’s My Name is Earl, would put this firing on his list to fix. Admittedly, Christians never consider themselves free of sin, only saved from it.

I Finally Got My Revenge!

It took me six months. The anger and betrayal was finally satisfied on that humid day in June…or was it? It was the day I finally got my revenge. It happened over thirty years ago.

Six months earlier, I accepted a job in Florida. My new bride of eight months and I moved to the beautiful panhandle of the Sunshine State. It was a modest increase in pay from where I was before.

We lived three blocks from the beach and paid one hundred dollars a month to rent a one bedroom house. I was hired to do the afternoon show on a local radio station. Everything seemed wonderful.

But then, scarcely two weeks after we arrived, he pulled his stunt. The man who hired me, the man who was my boss, the program director of the radio station, propositioned my wife! I’m not talking about flirting, or making a pass, or innuendoes. This man offered her a very discreet intimate
relationship! He hardly knew her! This was my wife! Did I mention that he was also married, and the recent father of twins?

When my wife Kathy told me what had happened, I was so furious that I wanted to go and shoot him on the spot! I’m not kidding! Thank God I decided against that plan.

I did however get some good advice from my landlord. Mac was a kind middle-aged man who seemed generally concerned about helping this 21 year old who was really upset. And, this was an interesting situation.

He was my boss. He had hired me. He could fire me. Maybe I should just quit.

Mac suggested that I confront him on the telephone, which I did. I told him that Kathy had told me everything. I also told him in no uncertain terms that I did not want him to even speak to my wife ever again.

So, now, I had to see him every day at work. He would usually leave around 1 p.m. but I would get there around 11 a.m. He apologized to me every single day. I never accepted it. I kept saying, “Just forget it, okay?” However, I was certainly not forgetting about it.

As the days and weeks went by, my anger continued to grow. Then, conflicts began to arise between the two of us over work related matters. The tension grew until one day I was called in early to the general manger’s office.

The general manger then informed me that he was making some changes and that I was now going to be the program director. “That’s great,” I said, “And, what about Mr. So and So?” He said, “Well, that’s up to you; you’re in charge now.”

I thought to myself, “At last, at last, I will get my revenge!” I looked at the general manager and said, “He’s gone!” I got up and walked out of his office, met the man I had grown to hate, and said, “Get your stuff and get out – you’re fired!”

I felt so proud of myself! He finally got what he deserved! I even bragged about the whole event for a number of years. But, I was never truly free of the anger until I forgave him. And yes, there came a day when I really did forgive him.

I remember a Bible teacher saying, “You’ll have no problem forgiving others if you just remember what God forgave you for.” Wow! Isn’t that true? I know I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes.

So, finally one day, I honestly forgave the man from my heart for what he had done. I wasn’t excusing his actions, or saying that what he did wasn’t wrong; I was simply forgiving him.

And then, I noticed a remarkable thing. All that anger against him that I had been carrying around for all those years was gone. Prior to that, at those times when I brought up the event in my life, the same anger was there, just as fierce as ever.

But now, even as I write this article, I have no anger. I have no emotions tied to it at all. You see, revenge didn’t quell my anger, forgiveness did. And I never realized that by keeping all that anger inside me, I was allowing him to continue to affect my life! I was allowing him to have power over me. I was not in control!

Very few people understand how freeing it is to forgive. To simply and completely let go and dismiss what someone has done to you without wanting or desiring any penalty for what they have done will release you.

We have all been forgiven, many times over. So, why not forgive others?

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Michael A. Verdicchio offers a free 71 page eBook, entitled, “Keys To Enriching Your Life Now!” at
http://www.EnrichingYourLifeNow.com He has a free newsletter called, THE PEP LETTER, at
http://www.christianinspirationalgifts.com/pepletter.html

Michael is a husband, father, minister, author, and broadcaster. He has been the voice on numerous projects and productions over the years, including Mike’s Pep Talks.

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How Can Your Motivation Be Blocking The Law Of Attraction?

September 15, 2008 – 9:01 am

When you have decided what you want and set an intention, you get all fired up and start out with great optimism and lots of energy.  Maybe you are successful for a while and what you want seems to be happening.  And then, for no apparent reason, everything fizzles out.  You don’t understand what is happening.  You still have your intention, but you just aren’t getting anywhere now.

Maybe you have read a lot about the importance of motivation.  You have learnt how to get all fired up and
direct a lot of energy.  What you haven’t learnt is that motivation can be an away-from strategy and, if so, will not succeed in the long term.

When someone sets an intention, they are doing one of two things: they are either moving away from something or they are moving towards something.  They have either an away-from strategy or a  towards strategy.

The difference between them in terms of how successful they become is that with an away-from strategy, once a person gets sufficiently far enough away from what they don’t want, they feel comfortable and they relax.  There is no reason to continue, whereas a towards strategy becomes more attractive as they move towards it.  The away-from stops what they were doing and goes right back to where they don’t want to be.

How often have you read of a successful business person who came from a poor background and determined not to be poor any more?  They put a lot of energy into achieving success and then, once they were successful, they lost their business and all they had gained.  And then had to start all over again.  And again.  They continue this pattern of success and loss, success and loss, unless they just give up.

It’s the same with people wanting to lose weight.  If they don’t want to be fat, they can possibly sustain a weight loss programme until they lose weight, but then they put it all back on again.

So, when you set an intention, make sure it is an inspiring one.  How will having  that improve the quality of your life?  Focus on the positive qualities your outcome contains.

The towards strategy is fuelled by inspiration.  It is based on what your heart truly desires: those qualities,
and attributes which enhance and expand your life.

When you are inspired, anything is possible, and you will sustain your intention until you create your heart’s
desire, because the more you move into your inspiration and live your inspiration, the more attractive and compelling it becomes.  And of course you want to continue.

When you are clarifying what you want, it can be very helpful to be aware of what you don’t want.  However, once you have decided, it is important to change your focus to the qualities of what you do want and how they will enhance and expand your life.  You will then be inspired to take appropriate action to attract your desired outcome.

You may think that by identifying what you want, you are automatically moving towards it, but if the underlying motive is an away from, you are likely to yo-yo and never achieve what you say you want.

So how can you find out whether you are  operating an away-from strategy or a towards strategy – if your
underlying reason is really to avoid something or to embrace something?

You can ask yourself why you want this.  Perhaps you have decided that you want to have more money in your life.  When you ask yourself why you want this, notice which direction your answer takes you.  Does it take you backwards to what you don’t want, or forwards towards what you do want?  If you answer, along the lines of,” Because I’ve had enough of being broke “, then you’re looking backwards to where you don’t want to be.

If, on the other hand, your answer is along the lines of  ”To give me greater choice and more freedom in my life”, then you are moving towards what inspires you.  Maybe travelling and exploring the world inspires you, and with more money, you can do this. And you start noticing the increasing choice and freedom in your life.

An inspiring outcome uplifts you and expands your awareness in a joyful way.  It offers you those qualities that you really value, that really make you come alive, and the easier and more joyful your journey becomes.

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Shirley Crichton is passionate about prosperity and helping people to attract more. She is co-founder of Prosperity Players, an on-line community enthusiastically playing the game of life, in tune with the law of attraction, and having fun creating the life of their dreams. If you found this article helpful and want more, claim your free Prosperity Players weekly newsletter and Tip of the Week

at =>  http://www.prosperityplayers.com

Editor’s Note: This may be the very best description of the real effect of towards and away from  motivators.  It’s not that away-from motivators are bad: they keep us from getting run over by that oncoming bus!  It is just that all the highest levels of personal achievement (Maslow’s Pyramid) are the result of towards motivators.

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You Can Stop Feeling Frustrated

September 9, 2008 – 9:24 am

Feelings of frustration are something we may feel occasionally.  Because they hamper success, it is important to know what to do when this happens.

The feeling of frustration is a signal that something is not  going well.  It can happen in your personal or
professional life.  Its purpose is to get your attention - like a flashing red light.  Different things cause
frustration for different people.

If frustration is not stopped, it will drain your energy.  It is unfulfilling, disappointing, and can prevent you from achieving your goals.   Because this feeling is not productive, it is important to learn to identify it as soon as possible.  Answering the following three questions is an important first step in being able to stop feeling frustrated:

  1. How do you know when you are frustrated?
  2. Do you feel it in your body?  If so, where?
  3. What are you saying or telling yourself about what is happening?

Once you know you are frustrated, it is important to follow the next four steps in order to stop the feeling so that you can move forward:

  1. Stop reacting to the stimuli.  You may need to withdraw from the situation for a few minutes and take some slow, deep breaths.  It is important to have positive self-talk while you are focusing on your breathing.  For example tell yourself, “I can help myself by staying calm.”  Then picture yourself being calm.
  2. Be aware of your values.  These are the things in your life that are most important to you.  The more closely a situation matches your main values, the more satisfaction you will feel.  Try to connect some aspect of the situation to one or more of your main values.  If you cannot, you may need to think about how you can eventually remove yourself from the situation.
  3. Be aware of your strengths.  Think about how you can use one or more of your top strengths in the situation.  When you are able to use one of your strengths, you are more focused and fulfilled.
  4. Make new goals or choices in a timely way.  When appropriate, simplify what you can.  Chunk down your goal into small steps so that it is easier to experience success.  Even achieving small steps can help relieve frustration.  Steady forward movement in something that is important to you decreases frustration.

When you are frustrated, following the above steps will help you stop frustration, renew your energy, and enhance productivity.  You can stop feeling frustrated and experience more satisfaction and fulfillment in your life.

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Maurine Patten, Ed.D., CMC, Positive Psychology to the Rescue
Mailto: mdpcoach@pattencoaching.com

Find more articles and information about living a meaningful life and maximizing your possibilities at:
http://www.pattencoaching.com

Editor’s Note: The life skill to detect and correct for frustration is a basic building block of emotional management.  Frustration, when unchecked, leads to stress, anger, denial, resentment and worse.  Thanks for telling our readership exactly what to do and how.

By Maurine Patten | Posted in from the web | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Healing from Abuse – How Wakeful Rest Can Heal and Enhance Health for Domestic Violence Survivors

September 7, 2008 – 8:46 am

Tell me more about the “wakeful rest,” asks my proofreader.

Well certainly, I think to myself. There is nothing I’d rather talk (write) about more.

What is the wakeful rest? Ahhh, that is the magic… the gold…the sweet spot, wherein the mind and body mend.

But before I lose myself in this discussion, let’s not lose site of your question. How is this relevant to me, as a domestic abuse survivor?

To answer both of these questions, I want you to know had I not been meditating over the years during my own ordeal with family violence and the legal abuse syndrome, I may not have survived, nor would I have thrived as I do today.

If I had the privilege to indulge in only one healing method, what would it be? Unequivocally, it would be the practice of meditation…the road map to the wakeful rest.

That is what it would be.

What happens to mind and body during and after wakeful rest?

This discussion is always best as an extension of one’s personal experience simply because it is the application of words onto aspects of experience that are actually beyond words.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk and write about it: its mechanics, the process, its short term-effects and most importantly the long-term effects. Its mechanics is a
practical training discussion, the process more of an existential-experiential, ethereal conversation, and its
effects is a concrete discussion. Let’s begin with the concrete.

In the 70’s I did my doctoral dissertation on the psychophysiology of meditation and its implications for
psychotherapy. I was studying at a very traditional school, Northwestern University. And so in order to make my experimental research most meaningful to the academic ivy-league, I decided to use Chicago police officers as my subjects. I thought it would put my hypotheses up to a very rigorous test. Low and behold it did. And our results were statistically significant.

I tell you this story because after the very first meditation, an officer said in awe, “I just had ’tranquility’ for the first time!”

Since 1982, I have been teaching meditation to people of all walks of life in my clinical bio-behavioral,
psychotherapy practice and here’s what I see:

  • Symptom Reduction: less pain, reduced tension, decreased anxiety and greater control of panic attacks.
  • Improved Physical Functioning: better sleep, less fatigue, more energy and far less reliance on relaxing agents. Increased vitality, energy and stamina.
  • Improved Mental Functioning: enhanced clarity of thought, creativity, concentration and more optimistic perspective.
  • Enhanced Emotional Comfort: increased self-confidence, greater self-esteem, calmness and well-being… and decreased irritability.
  • Better Social Interactions: decreased hostility, greater ease and comfort in social situations, improved communication.
  • Behavior and Performance Enhancement: more organized, increased productivity, greater efficiency and enhanced effectiveness.

These are some of the things I witnessed over the years, not to mention the reversal, and in some cases complete resolution, of chronic medical conditions for thousands of people.

In closing, I can say wakeful rest is the “sweet spot,” it’s the healing medium and more. If you are suffering from any physical, emotional, cognitive, social or behavioral condition while in, or after, an abusive relationship, seek to find a way to bring wakeful rest into you life.

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You and your body will be happy that you did. If you want more healing tips, visit
http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com and claim your free Survivor Success Tips & Insights.

 

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps domestic violence survivors and their advocates, recognize, end and heal the aftermath of abusive relationships.

©2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Editors Note: Thanks for allowing me to post this important information regarding meditation and its practical, everyday benefits for people.  The spiritual enlightenment that comes with  meditation is just icing on the cake!

By Jeanne | Posted in from the web, therapy | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Statement of Beliefs

April 26, 2008 – 9:17 am

These are the basic tenants of The Celarien Experience:

  • After we have met our basic needs for survival, shelter, food, and self-image, we are in search of something more: self-actualization and the continual search for life’s peak experiences
  • The rules of these quests are the five pillars:
    1. Passion,
    2. Communication,
    3. Alignment of Values,
    4. Right Action

      5. and

    5. Direction.
  • The internal quest requires reassessing your own internal terrain, including these domains:
    • emotional
    • intellectual
    • physical
    • spiritual
  • That your realizations of the ultimate essences of the universe will be hampered by your own human limitations and the lack of development and clarity of these domains.
    Simply put, If you are weak, you wont win the Mr. Universe title; If your emotions are blocked, you will be unable to relate to yourself or others.
  • That improvement in these domains can be found various forms, including, but not necessarily limited tohermit2:
    • Guided Meditation (hypnosis)
    • unguided Meditation (transendental, chanting)
    • NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)
    • EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
    • Yogic Practices
    • Empirical and Scientific analysis and invention
    • Study of Great Books. Each may be appropriate or not depending on that person’s beliefs, background, and development. For some seekers, the Bible is the only book, for others, the Bible is merely one of many Great Books, for other seekers, the Bible is a hinderance to their development. The Celarien Experience has no prejudice as to the suitability of bible stories for any particular person.
  • We believe that these principles form a basis for faith in continual improvement in spiritual connection for any person. That is, these principles form a basis for connection with the ultimate essence of all creation

In light of these beliefs and principles, The Celarien Experience hereby declares and establishes itself as a Free Church, existing solely in the minds and spirits of the adherents to these beliefs. The Celarien Experience declares the sole right to include or exclude or modify these tenets at any time, as dictated by The Celarien Experience to itself.

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By Jim Hinds | Posted in charter, religious, spiritual | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)